0583 - WittyBanter

Our title comes from a teaser on the ABC Family Channel, advertising a coming sitcom filled with “Witty banter”. That’s our aim, that’s our new motto [except in election campaigns]. Before proceeding to some of the moral crises facing us all, we have to thank the many Attentive Readers who responded to last week’s SocSec [OO # 582], mostly with applause, but also noting the strange assertion that the [imaginary] Social Security Trust Fund would run out in “1980 or so.” This is the fault of the Proofreading Staff, not the R.I.G., and we apologize deeply – the intended date was the year 2080. We are not usually a century off (though our ideas may be). That confessed, we note that in The New Yorker of 24 January, the expiration date on the thoroughly phony fund is given as only 2052 (Congressional Budget Office), and we have seen later dates elsewhere, also. The same article says more cash will be coming in than out until 2028. So, no instant crisis. Now, on to the Witty B.

Perhaps due to current U.S. governance by politically-advantageous faith, the American event of events – the Super Bowl – is under severe moral scrutiny. We understand from sources that a commercial showing Mickey Rooney’s bare butt has been vetoed by Fox, of all people. Now, we don’t know about you, Readers, but our Staff voted unanimously that looking at Mickey’s butt would not increase sales of either beer or cars, the principal items advertised. Polling is, however, in progress for other prospective butts.

We also have some question about a series of spam e-mails received from “Cheating House Wife Services”. We haven’t read these, not because we couldn’t use some expert house service around here, but because the name has just the faintest flavor of impropriety. Any Reader who has used such services is urged to report, under an assumed name if necessary.

Our daily researches in curious words (reading our calendar supplying one a day) uncovered one of high importance. It is “Multiplying Medicine”. This is not that class of drugs so touted on TV for ...er ... those special male problems, but an old Alchemist’s elixir, said to multiply gold. We have never doubted the wonders of science, and so will pass this on to those in power in Washington, as a way to deal with those annoying trillion dollar budget deficits without (gasp!) asking any rich guys to pay taxes. If something isn’t done soon, we won’t be able to afford lunch on St. Martin, where the Euro is the currency, and the prices are getting pretty high.

And speaking of mottoes, we know that many Readers are serious Latinists, and as such will approve of our motto proposal for the current U.S. Foreign Policy toward a country whose name we promised not to mention for six months, but it looks like Ir*q. The motto is “Oderint dum metuant”, which for the non-Latinists means “Let them hate as long as they fear.” It didn’t work so good for the Caesar Caligula, and it doesn’t seem to be effective these days either. [As the saying goes, “If you don’t win the Lotto, at least get a Motto.”]

Last, a memo from Brillat-Savarin on the subject of inviting dinner guests: “Let the men have wit without pretension, and the women be pleasant without being coquettes”. We know that old Brillat-Savarin was the great food authority, and he may have been speaking of croquettes, not coquettes, but we shall nevertheless take his advice to our always non-pretentious hearts.

Next time: Spukhafte [OO #584]

| Printer-friendly page | Send this article to a friend |

Home