0595 - Crotchety

First, three announcements. (1) A new Staff member has been appointed, with the title of Politico-Economic Truthteller, or the P.E.T. This is a consequence of the drivel emitted by the Governments of the world overwhelming the R.I.G., who is plenty busy in the markets. Also, (2) last week a grave error was committed here, and instantly corrected by our numerous Latinist Readers. The phrase is "Habemus Papam", not "Papa". Disgrace. Finally, (3) The OO is off to Hollywood, thence Atlanta, and there will be a short hiatus in your weekly supply of OO columns. Be brave; exercise, eat lightly. We shall return.

Today, we deal with a number of severe irritations, not curable with cortisone creams. First is the spectacle of the nomination of one John Bolton as U.S. Ambassador to the UN. Now, for most positions in life, at least the ostensible objective is to appoint a candidate who either endorses or at the very least accepts the institution to which he is appointed. Bolton hates the UN and the whole idea that anyone should tell the U.S. what to do. His philosophy is not to use a bully pulpit, just to be a bully. Current gossip is that he is also, personally, a bully. We feel he should be assigned to Iraq duty . Besides, his moustache is ridiculous: he looks like a cartoon, not a diplomat, which he clearly ain't.

Next, we want to broadcast, urbi et orbi, the news that hair is not living. This is not a Terri Schiavo question, the stuff is just not living. Nevertheless, the House Steward here bought some shampoo, and the label says it contains "Mandarin, Starfruit, and Papaya". The bottle it is replacing had "Mandarin Orange, Lime and Lemon". Meanwhile, TV advertising constantly urges the viewer to "nourish" hair with all sorts of yummy ingredients. Our dear people, hair simply doesn't eat, it don't taste, it is dead. May this truth set you free.

Moving along, there was news that vegetables are now, alas, claimed not to ward off cancer. Yet, we note with pain that one Christine B. Ambrosone, an epidemiologist at the Roswell Park Cancer Institute, nevertheless says she "has a little statue of broccoli on my desk". Has that law been repealed – the one about graven images?

Our R.I.G., who living in Anguilla must get market gossip from CNBC on the TV, is daily assaulted by that network's firm belief that the best advertising for the Caribbean is to interrupt its programs with multiple ads for ... well, for its very own programs that the hapless viewer is watching. One of these incessantly repeated slogans is "Every day is a new day in the markets". Well, so it is, so it is. It is also a new day in Hong Kong, Anguilla, and Bishkek. Sheesh.

Last, our new P.E.T. would like to inform the Congresses, Parliaments, Presidents, and Finance Ministers of the world of the blazing truth that "There is no free lunch". It is NOT possible to cut taxes and increase government spending without incurring constantly growing deficits. This is not a matter of party politics, it is a great truth. In the old days in the U.S., there were severe Republicans who warned against excess spending. Now, with the present Administration, taxes are to be abolished as matter of faith. In order to achieve their evident goal of a hereditary plutocracy, all death taxes (and taxes on rich guys) are supposed to vanish. Meanwhile, on the other side, the idea that just because people are living much longer more money must be charged them to fund the (imaginary) Social Security "Trust Fund" – well, that is an outrage. Needed: a refresher course in fourth grade math. No free lunch!

Next time: Hollywood [OO #596]

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