0608 - HugOO (tm)

It is a day of high celebration at the Objective Observatory. First of all, the OO’s close associate, the U.S. Consular Warden for Anguilla, has received a handsome Certificate for his 12-plus years of service to the Expat community. Second, the September issue of the Sharper Image catalog has arrived. Page 16 is entirely devoted to offering items called HugOO™ pillows– either the HugOO™ Comfort Pillow, the HugOO™ Heart Pillow, or best of all (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) the HugOO™ Body Pillow (on sale at $39.95 and worth every cent, ladies).

To mark these auspicious events, we reveal today our proposal for a new Anguillian Calendar. Learned Readers will remember the French Revolutionary Calendar, which, alas, was abolished after only 14 years. This, most logically, divided the year into 12 months, each of exactly 30 days. Every year had five extra days, each with a dedicated purpose. On Leap Years there was a sixth added day. Now, Anguilla already has its own holidays: did you celebrate August Monday, August Thursday, or Constitution Day (the 1st, 4th and 5th August)? Well, you missed out. So, we respectfully submit to you, why not a fine Anguillian Calendar?

The French Calendar named the months poetically, with seasonal referents. Today, we just happen to know, would be 2 Fructidor CCXIII [praise Google!]. The extra days followed the end of Fructidor and were called the “Sans-cullottides”. Our favorites are the Fęte de la Vertu – we mean, who doesn’t celebrate virtue? – and the Fęte du Genie – and again, we just never get enough genius.

Plainly, this calendar scheme is ideal for Anguilla. We are brimming with naming ideas. The Fifth extra day could of course be Finish the Promised Job Day. Once a year, all promised repairs would be completed by otherwise absent workmen. In extreme cases that day could be the extra Leap Day, and occur once every fourth year, as it does now. Clever Readers, particularly those living on Anguilla, will easily fill out the other days – Re-stocking Day for the groceries and hardware stores (“It Finish” Day); Fix the Road the Water Department Tore Up Day (you should live so long in good health), and so on.

Now, the months of the Anguillian Calendar offer a much broader canvas. We suggest starting the year with Touristador, in honor of those who bring the refreshing and vital sprinkle of cash to the economy. September could be called “Pluviôse” after the French rainy month of the same name, a nice bilingual touch. The French had a month called ”Germinal”, but we reject that for two reasons. First, it sounds like a Patent Medicine. Second, judging from the number of kids running around, there is a-plenty of germination going on. We would like to see one month dedicated to the fine old island custom of complaining. So, how about “Kvetchalot”? It has a certain ring. We invite suggestions from Readers, and promise to publish those not offensive to good taste, and possibly some that are.

The special feast days should certainly include a BBQ Ribs Day, complete with speeches and prizes. And, can’t we find a day for Anguilla’s hard-working artists? Paintings of Overturned Boats Day? We probably don’t need a whole month named after Anguilla’s splendid restaurants, but maybe an evening where the populace goes from restaurant to restaurant, sampling? Porking-Out Night?

Devote some free time to this project, and meanwhile, remember to Hug your OO.

Next time (maybe, but probably not):
FoodFad [OO #609]

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