0609 -- Preacher

The entire Staff was smiling, and met for a congratulatory glass of Jim Beam Black Label (the bourbon of choice here). The occasion was the opportunity to issue the JFGDF [Jerry Falwell God Damn Fool] award for the first time in many months. This award is not lightly given, and today's recipient is the Reverend Pat Robertson, another player in the lucrative TV preacher field. You Readers, always attentive to major news, probably saw Pat saying that the United States should "take out" the Venezuelan chief. It is somewhat startling to hear a Reverend ignore the teachings of love and forgiveness and call for an assassination. Our Research Staff rushed to the concordance [fine word] at the rear of the Bible, but did not find any reference to Jesus teaching when unsuitable political leaders should be offed. The religious right, which would have been much happier fighting perilous stem cells, was much confused, and was heard to say that Pat was "getting on". He sure is, and it's about time to get him off, too.

Since we are on the sensitive subject of religious teachings, we wish to be heard on several matters of urgent ethical import. First, have you paid attention to the current crop of computer games? We don't have any here at the Objective Observatory, but we read the reviews and see the examples that run on the TV. One, called Grand Theft Auto, allows the player to rob, cripple, murder and rape. Is this what you want your 12-year old to play at? [Rephrasing, at which you wish your 12-year old to play?] Other games are shoot ‘em ups, where blood and brains splatter freely. Friends, we stand firmly for free speech, but we think this stuff is close to criminal incitement. Such so-called "games" are not only dangerous, they are vulgar to an extreme.

Moving on, we have the issue this week of the over-the-counter sale of the "Morning After" pill, which prevents conception. Is this not a good idea? Oh? Why not? There are those who object to contraception, thus permitting and participating in the spread of horrible and destructive diseases. More people have been killed by preventing the issuance of condoms than have been destroyed by Al Qaeda. Leaving aside the vexed question of whether a cellular blob due to be discarded from an artificial insemination clinic is "life", what is wrong with preventing fertilization? Do we require more unwanted children? More teen-age pregnancies? Or is this one more example of Pat Robertson and company just fearing sex? Perhaps we should assassinate any teenager having sex, eh, Pat?

Last on our agenda of urgent ethical matters is the situation in Iraq, now turning into still more of a botched morass. Is it alright for the U.S. to allow the formation of yet one more radical Islamist government? One where women have no rights? Is this what Martha Stewart would call a "Good Thing"? We think not, and we have the solution. The Rev. Robertson should receive brief training in murdering, and also in parachuting. Then, we drop him, and a few others we could name, over Baghdad. That way, we solve two problems at once. We get rid of another Damn Fool [there will still be an adequate supply] and we let him try to clean up the mess. If he can't, too bad. Maybe he can become an Imam. He sure sounds like one.

Before leaving the subject of Iraq, have you noticed the results in the recent U.S. polls? It seems that slowly, slowly, the American voter is concluding that the Iraq Invasion was a bad idea, that the Administration hasn't the foggiest idea what it is doing, and that maybe, just maybe, we are in the hands of incompetents. Once more, you can't fool all of the people all of the time. Right, Mr. Lincoln?

Next time (oh, probably not): FoodFad [OO #610]

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