0642 - Aggravation

Readers who still adhere to the printed word may know of Daedalus Books, which sells overstocked books, sometimes quite curious ones. The latest catalogue offers "The Pocket Encyclopedia of Aggravation", originally priced at $12.95, now just $3.98. Our copies (the Staff needs several) are on order, but for Readers in need we list some aggravations absolutely free. Please do not write in to say we are crotchety. This is a public service. We start with the non-word "Incentivize", used by a paid apologist explaining why various corporate executives were getting retirement packages of, say, six million a year for life. The claim is that giving outsize sums to CEOs is necessary to "incentivize" them, regardless of their success or failure. We rant not at the derelictions of the corporate directors shoveling out such loot, nor the corruption of mutual fund managers who vote for such directors. Forget about that. The point is, after swiping stockholders' money, you should not hire an apologist who thinks "incentivize" is a word.

Here at the Objective Observatory, our duties require subscribing to many magazines. Of course, then our name is sold to peddlers of all sorts of stuff we neither need nor want. But, why should every magazine contain from four to six "blow-ins" (loose cards) offering – guess what – subscriptions to the very magazine we are trying to read? Listen: we already subscribe – understand? The New Yorker, formerly purveying humor, but now carrying some of the sharpest politico-military critiques of the many arrogances and failures of the Bush Administration, even this fine magazine provides five subscription cards with every issue. Stop it!

All magazines send many, many advance notices of pending subscription expiry, even though you have diligently re-subscribed on the web. Readers who have been trapped into subscribing into the late 2020s are urged to scream. Similarly, here on Anguilla the Cable TV quite properly carries CNBC, the stock market channel, which pleases our Revered Investment Guru. But, for reasons unknown, the channel carries no advertising, although in the U.S. it constantly brings you pleas from those who wish to handle what they persist in calling your "Wealth", for a fee, of course. But instead of ads, CNBC here runs constantly repeating bits urging you to watch – you guessed it – CNBC, even though you already are. What's that for?

And may we say something about catalogues, sometimes spelled "catalogs"? It will do you no good to send us compilations of embarrassingly juvenile gadgets that release sounds of flatulence. We outgrew poo-poo cushions years ago. So also, we require no vibrators, porn DVDs, nor other machinery for the seriously perverse. Save the postage. And then there are the bed linens and towels books. These are required items, all right, and we do keep them, but we do NOT buy ever week. So why send the early spring book, the spring book, the special late spring sale book, and so on through the year? When we next need wash cloths, we'll let you know, fellows.

Anguilla, of course, has its own aggravations, ranging from the dangerous (wild driving), to the seriously offensive (blaring car speakers operating from parked cars), to the inconveniently unmannerly, like parking so that others may not. We also have lots of stale Government paperwork, like going one place to pay a bill and then to another to pay it. Even the helpful and vital Post Office here insists on five forms where one would do – but we love ‘em, yes we do.

Next time [delayed]: Chaddy [OO #643]

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