0686 - ANSProject

Those Readers of either a considerable age or a good knowledge of history know about the Manhattan Project, the great gathering of scientists that created the atomic bomb. Here at the Objective Observatory, the benefits that have flowed from our similar Staff system have convinced us that the world needs similar projects. Our first modest proposal calls on the electronic wizards to gather and develop what we call an "ANS Control" for our TVs and the internet. The reference is of course to the violent eruption of stories about the late Anna Nicole Smith, famous for her large and often-exposed boobs and her marriage to an octogenarian billionaire.

Readers, we believe in freedom of speech, and even more in freedom of read – but. If you want to read about this woman, and her death, and the three men claiming to have fathered her child, go buy one of those Hollywood trash magazines sold at supermarket check-outs. Your lack of literary taste would not interfere with those of us, here in Anguilla or elsewhere, who need to get the news about wars, markets, politics, science and all other more important subjects. Instead, our airwaves have been clogged for weeks with ANS sludge. Clean the drains!

What is needed is a small electronic device that will signal impending ANS dribble and switch the TV to another channel. The same device should be capable of closing off all telecommunication about those Hollywood pairings (marital or non-marital) of youngish idiots, or their drug habits, drunkenness, shaving off of hair, or similar stupid pranks. Push the ANS button and cleanse your TV. Here, we have a suggestion for the leading scientists spending the billion dollar appropriation for the ANS Project. Our idea is to set the screening device to look for pants hanging precariously about the hips of the females, thus exposing the belly button and what is ingloriously called the plumber's crack. Is this too much to ask from science? No.

Despite the ANS tidal wave, we did learn this week that the hapless Scooter Libby, Cheney's Chief of Staff, was convicted of four counts of lying and perjury. Here, although there was no shortage of talking-head babble, we think the commentators missed the most important point. What has always struck us is the miserable small-mindedness of Cheney et al. in trying to counter the unmasking of their phony claim that Iraq was buying Niger uranium. It is one thing to argue the facts (which they couldn't), but it is another to attack the man's wife. What person of taste would do such a thing? We tend to admire those who condemn scolding Cheney et ux. for their lesbian daughter. Whose business is that? We say to Bob Novak and the whole Cheney cabal: you are no gentlemen – go. That also applies to the awful woman Ann Coulter who calls herself a commentator. She spoke at a "Conservative" gathering and received a big ovation for crudely insulting John Edwards, with no truth and no justification. Again the talking heads missed the point here. It wasn't her crude slur, it was the huge ovation it received. Shame! We are setting our ANS Control to block Coulter. Let her disappear.

Those who hope for an U.S. intelligent election debate in the next many, many months should know that our Chief Slogan Officer is hard at work for Obama. He can't yet work in a rhyme for "pyjama", but he sees some hope in "Dalai Lama". Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a really smart candidate, and one who is polite, and who thinks and reaches correct conclusions about the fake threat of Saddam Hussein? Why, what opens up is a whole panorama – an Obama Panorama. Yes!

Next time: BadPolicies [OO #687]

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