0689 - Brilliancy

As Faithful Readers know, the OO and the entire Staff are humble, most humble, despite their record of being right, dead right, on most important subjects. Even our colleague the Revered Investment Guru [The R.I.G.] calls himself "Revered" solely to allow his Students to distinguish him from other, less revered teachers. All that being said, today we present to you a political proposal that can only be termed Brilliant, or a Brilliancy, and so it is titled. Truth is important. The idea is proposed for Barack Obama, our candidate for the U.S. Election just around the corner (or so one would think). He is our candidate because he is very intelligent. We think the contrast will be refreshing.

Here is the idea: the Candidate should present himself (or herself if such be the case) to the voters along with his proposed chief cabinet officers. Example: Bill Richardson is a man very experienced in international affairs. But, he doesn't seem to be getting much traction as a candidate. So, Obama should name him (with his consent) as Secretary of State Designate, should Obama be elected. Of course, we know who would be Secretary of Global Warming, or Non-Warming. If Gore doesn't want to be named right now, then Obama could simply say that if elected, he intends to name him. How about an energy Secretary who knows a lot about the subject, perhaps the recent head of Valero, a smart guy – why not? Finally, we beg to propose an Attorney General-Designate who has read the Constitution, doesn't believe in unlawful searches and seizures, or in torture, or unending holding in Guantanamo without trial or rights? That'll be a change. We only dare to call this idea "Brilliant" because it obviously is. The electorate would know something about the coming Administration for which they would vote, and the policies would be clearly explicated.

We have a sub-Brilliancy to propose. It has been tried before, and it has worked. That is, to lay out now, before the election, some of the half-dozen simple ideas for immediate post-election action. For example, we can't understand why the Democratic Congress is now engaged in voting spinach and dairy subsidies while struggling (vainly) to close out the Iraq mess. The candidate should choose much simpler concepts such as: Shut Guantanamo at once! Forbid broccoli! You get the idea.

While there is at present a rather large double-speak staff in the White House and in all political offices of either party, the positions are not respected nor are they properly named. Here, we propose a new Cabinet post, called the Secretary of Kerfuffle, or SecKerf. All spokespeople would clear their euphemisms through him, under penalty of having their e-mails leaked to the press. For example, a Secretary of Defense who has incredibly mis-managed a war (does anyone come to mind?), would submit his plan for continuing the war another four or six years to the SecKerf. Perhaps he would want to say "Don't give up the ship!" The SecKerf would nix such plain speaking, and would substitute "I am appointing a Bi-partisan panel to recommend the best paved-over-water road to Victory." The panel's report would of course be ignored, should it ever appear.

Last, we propose a recycling – as Readers know, recycling is all the rage. Yet, incompetent Federal officers are never recycled. [In Anguilla, officers are never changed, so there is no recycling problem]. So, in the States, there is a growing collection of ex-officials, slowly decomposing. Yet these people– say Rumsfeld – could provide useful mulch. He talks good, he is slim. Why not get some TV advertiser to use him, selling some fake weight-loss product? Brilliant, we say, humbly.

Next time: Phonz [OO #690]

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